Saturday, 17 August 2013

Room 101

The lovely Charlotte at Distressed Housewife tagged me in to the Room 101 meme, started by Stickers Stars and Smiles, and as being sarcastic and moaning are my absolute two favourite things to do, I jumped right on it. There have been a few of these now, all of which are a lot funnier than the one you are about to read, so have a look at the other links if you fancy a giggle. 
I have three things to banish into Room 101, and I'm going to kick off with my most controversial one, that will instantly get the backs up of 50% of the people reading it. Here goes.

1. Cats. I know, I know, a lot of people love them. But seriously? The little feckers make direct, prolonged eye contact with you. They just stare. And see into your very soul. This is not in a good way. Whatever you cat owners think they are thinking, they are NOT sensing that you are a little down today, and planning a purr and a cuddle on your lap for therapy. They are plotting ways to bring you down and then kill you. And they don't like you. Cats don't like anyone. My spaniel greets me every time I come in the room by haring around trying to find me a present. Usually a shoe. Even if I've literally walked out, and then walked back in again. She bloody loves me. I will accept that this also probably means she's a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, but I'm happy with that. Why would I live with a pet that is a) more intelligent than me and b) wants to kill me? Why?

2. Mike The Knight. I had a few issues choosing this irritating little brat, as cbeebies is positively swimming with them. I've already said my piece about Postman Pat, world's crappiest postman, in another post. Mike is the one I shall banish forever. For teaching my sons and any other under five that basically life is all about behaving as brattishly (real word) as possible at all times, and then when it all goes tits up making a half arsed attempt at sorting out your mess and apologising for it afterwards. "Hey kids! Do whatever the hell you like! Smear poo on the walls! As long as you use a biro afterwards to colour eyes on it and make a turdy hedgehog mural everything is OK!"

3. Rides outside shops. I have a little secret. I am one of those mothers. I wore my babies in a sling, I feed them home cooked organic food, and I knit them jumpers out of my own hair. One of those isn't true. I also only let them watch cbeebies because I don't want them exposed to adverts. I love plonking them in front of the TV so I can play candy crush  make them dinner as much as the next person, but I just hate hate adverts aimed at children. I was also under the foolish misguided impression that if my sons don't watch adverts, I will avoid the whiney "I want I want I want" requests surrounding toys etc. It was working wonderfully, until J worked out that the ride on machines outside shops were there for him. Now I am that mother with the child screaming "I don't want to go home! I want to ride on noddy/thomas/scoop for the 400th time" that I used to pity and swear I would never be. 

And breathe. That was fun. I now tag in the lovely @Redpeffer at


  1. Ha! Loved this, so funny. I have cats and yet I sort of know what you mean...although my male cat is too much of a lazy bastard to consider killing anyone...unless he ran out of food. As you know, my issues are with Mickey Mouse and Peppa Pig; my boys haven't really got into Mike the Knight but I totally agree with the 'I'll be a little shit, apologise half-heartedly for causing absolute chaos and then expect everything to be forgotten' thing. Rides outside shops; designed purely to make shopping trips harder for all parents. Thanks for the mention hun; great post xx

    1. Hee hee you're welcome for the mention, and thank you! Several people have claimed their cats are docile or nice. I'm telling you, they're playing the long game. Be afraid. Be very afraid! X

  2. I nearly passed out in shock as soon as you said cats but you can't really disagree with any of your reasoning! They're quite uppity, antagonistic animals really :-)

    1. Hee hee. Love them or hate them, you've got to admit that one day they will rule the world ;)