Saturday, 11 May 2013

Children Should Really Come With Subtitles

J, if I'm allowed a small bit of mummy gloating, has very good speech and vocabulary. To erase any karma coming my way from that wee bit of smugness (you could click on this to see my smug post here if I had half a clue how to do it, but I don't, so you'll have to look it up if you've not read it) he has got very good at it because he never stops talking. He yabbers while he's eating, when he's sat in the car waiting for me completely on his own, while he's watching TV, he even blethers in his sleep. Up till very recently, he has had a quite impressive arsenal of words that sound uncannily like expletives. He is not the only toddler to be this way - search 'toddler trying to say frog' on youtube if you'd like a demonstration. Sit, six, and stick, all frequently came out of his mouth, crystal clear, as sh*t, prompting me to loudly correct him for the benefit of the aghast onlookers out in public. I had, however, recently become complacent as his diction improved. Silly me. Apart from the odd episode (my ever so slightly odd first born sometimes decides to talk in gibberish, and makes up his own words- when he finds one he likes, he repeats it a lot - cue him cheerfully shouting "CRAP!" over and over again in the supermarket. He absolutely did not get it from me) we had not had a Swearing At Strangers incident for quite some time. Yesterdays, therefore, was a lovely surprise. Walking home from playgroup, I was congratulating myself (there's the smugness again) on successfully diverting a meltdown because J wanted a soggy, possibly poo covered stick to walk home with and I promised him we would go for a walk in the woods to find a bigger better one later on. A sweet old lady had been travelling slowly in the opposite direction to us and had witnessed the whole debacle. When she reached us, she smiled at my cherubic, innocent toddler, and asked him if he was ok now. He turned his baby blue eyes onto full beam, fluttered his eyelashes and announced loudly "Yes! I'm going for a shit in the woods!".

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