Tuesday, 28 May 2013

The Wonder That Is Potty Training

Today I gave up on a weeks attempt of potty training J. You'd have to see me to get the full picture of why I have given up. The extra grey hairs and facial tics give it away, as does the manic gleam in my eyes. It was not fun. My usually very supportive Husband has been practically skipping out the door to work, happy to leave me knee deep in wet pants. It started off rather fun - J and I toddled off to the supermarket to buy his first big boy pants. On the way in he spotted a Bob the Builder car ride, which I promised him a go on when we had made our purchase. I suggested that Bob the Builder would probably like to see his new pants. I got to indulge my rather sadistic sense of humour as we reached the till and J told everyone within earshot he was going to show Bob his pants, by not clarifying what he meant when I got perplexed looks from them. Fun.

It all went downhill from there though. J and I seemed to have been at cross purposes this week. We've been talking to each other, but most definitely having two very separate conversations. It has been going a little something like this;

Me: J, do you need a wee?
J: No mummy. (Translation - yes mummy, but I'm going to wait until you've turned your back and squat behind the TV).

Me: J, you've been sat on the potty for a while now, have you done anything?
J: Yes mummy. (Translation - no I haven't, I've been saving up a tsunami of wee, which I will unleash as soon as you are trying to feed/change M, answer the phone or the door, so you are completely powerless to do anything about it).

Me: I'm just going to put M down for a nap. Do you need a wee?
J: No Mummy. I sit on my potty though.
Mummy leaves J alone downstairs.
J: I done a wee Mummy!
Me: I'm coming! LEAVE THE POTTY ALONE! I'm coming downstairs right now!
J: (Triumphant smile) I put it in the toilet for you mummy. (Translation - I have picked up the full potty and flung it around the room).
Me: Gosh! What a clever boy! (Translation - there is wee every-sodding-where! It's on the dog for pete's sake! Now what the hell do I do? This is sodding ridiculous!)
J: Is that a happy face mummy?

And so on. It was give up, or have a nervous breakdown. We will try again in a few months. When I've snuck off to the beach in Spain and left Husband to it. I wish.


  1. Hee hee, and I've got to start all over again in a few months!
    Ps You are my first ever comment. I'm a little overexcited about it. Thank you!

  2. Haha ;) god I'm not looking forward to starting this. What age have u started at? I'm hoping I have a while to go yet! I value my carpet and my nappy buying skills too much to relinquish just yet... Rather have a gin while she sits in her own faeces to be honest... JOKING (but not really) good luck! Xxx

    1. Hee hee. He's two and a half. I fell victim to keeping up with the Jones' - my friends have all started with their similar age children, and as we are usually the delinquent family of the group I thought we'd give it a try. Definitely not worth it as he's not ready - there is only so much poo and wee one person can take. My advice - carry on with the gin sipping and wait till she's twelve.

  3. Haha, we are at the should we or shouldn't we start potty training stage? Gracie often tells us she wants her nappy changing, that she wants the potty etc but is yet to actually do anything on the potty, although it does make a great hat :)xxx

    Katie @ popping over from the Weekend Blog Hop xx

    1. Oooh sounds like she's ready! J wasn't really at that stage yet, I started too soon. We had loads of successful potty usages but its because I sat him on it in front of cbeebies for hours - not sure that's the point! I'm going back to work part time in September and my mum will have the boys - this may conveniently be the time I decide to try again!